Will i know?

“It’s the 7th may; Sunday. Outside it’s sunny and bright. All the flowers are blooming in mummy’s garden. It’s a beautiful day; all of us are with you ”... I pause 

He gasp for air; I look at mom and tell her that it’s time to let go. Mom tries to utter few sentences... I know she couldn’t do it; how could she possibly sum up the emotions of 33 yrs in just a minute or two. 

I squeeze his hand; his pulse is fading. Daddy you gave your best; we are so proud of you. You don’t have to fight anymore; it’s ok to go; we ll be fine and we ll miss you a lot. We love you daddy... my heart is going to crush as I summon all the strength to bid good bye. 

He slowly breaths last 3 times; his last life line.... and then there is silence. Dad has gone for 3 yrs now; and my heart still ache. I still cry when no one is watching. I look up at the sky when i go out  and talk to  you, convincing myself that the gods around would  convey my message to you. Every time I look after a jolly old patient, I feel in my heart that you would have been like that. There are times I feel like your soul is tied with the trees and the mountains; for you have loved nature all your life. Every tree i touch or every mountains i climb i feel closer to you. when ever I miss You , I listen to those songs that you used to sing and I see you strumming guitar or dancing with mom. 

I believe in fate and i know we will meet again somewhere, some day.  But, will i know?

Paper crane & i

The wall

Chimi slammed her humongous anatomy text book and stared at the blank wall. Of late, she just couldn't focus on anything. It was raining outside and she couldn't remember how long it has rained for, maybe since last night or maybe a few minutes ago. She wished the rain would stop, she loved the aftermath of rain, everything thing looked like they had a shower, nice and clean.  

She went back to staring on the blank wall, maybe she could connect to the plainness; of being there but not being noticed. Everything has a story,she thought. 

A strong wind blew, which almost startled her. Some wet leaves rushed in through the rusty brown window bars , which knocked off the pretty cards. She looked at the cards, the pink shinny one made her smile, she saw another one with pictures of red roses.she carefully arranged all the cards back on the window ledge except the one with roses, she meant to read them. 

She lied back on her chair. " I need to get a warm shower and start getting dressed for her dinner date with her friends" she thought." Oh my god , ST is gonna be there too" she blushed. She hoped he would finally ask her out. But the chances looked slim, she knew she could never compete with all those girls with stronger personality. The only thing in her capacity was to admire him from a distance. If only, she hoped. 

She felt so tired just doing nothing. She wondered why she has always been tired these days. Her back ache was a gnawing one and the joints felt like she could fall apart any time, like a wobbly table with lose screws. She rose up with all her effort and looked into her closet. She ran her fingers through her dresses, she saw a walking stick in the corner. That is another thing going odd, it must be mum or her sister or a ghost putting up unnecessary things in her room. Let it be ghost she thought, I have so many questions to ask. 

She stared back to the wall in nothing, complete silence, this time not thinking about anything. 

A song popped up in her head, she started to hum. It made her sad and tears danced to her feelings. 

She was inside the bathroom, there was a new window.  " umm, dad must have done it, I need to ask him why " she noted. She looked at the window. An old lady, with grey messy hair and wrinkly face was looking at her. It scared the hell out of her and she screamed. 

A man rushed into her room. She have never seen him before. This terrified her even more. "What's going on", she shrieked.

 "Who is that old lady"? 

"Who are you" ?

 "Get away from me"

" where is my  mom?"

When she opened her eyes, she was back on her bed. She turned and stared on the wall. She has to clean the house and pack lunch for her kids, but she just wanted to lie on the bed for sometime. She closed her eyes and went back into a deeper slumber

The card was still lying on the floor, it read:

Chimi, my baby,

We love you and always will. Dementia could take your memories away, don't worry it can't get to me, our memories are safe with me. Happy 60th birthday, my love.

Lots of love 

Your hubby ST 

and your darling daughters.

look for me

Find me in the warmth of the sun

and the story of the moon.

search for me among the million stars

chances are i am looking at it too.

In the echoes of the trees

and the dances of the breeze.

for i am a nature’s child.

You know where the grasses are green,

roses red and lavenders blue,

dews of crystal hues,

butterflies and fireflies,

autumn brown and winter white

look for me in the different shades,

for i am  in the colours you see.

listen to the ocean sing

or the noisy  busy lane,

listen to the drops of rain

or in the silence of the night.

listen to the rhythm of your beats

and the stillness in your veins.

for i am the music that you feel.

look for me among the dusty old books,

or in the fairytales and origamis.

look for me in classic love stories

or the old vintage store.

thats where a piece of me dwells.

Its not too hard , my dear

dont look for me in the flickers of your apps,

rather in the pages of the yesteryears.

A birthday wish

That shy little girl,

in her favorite red suit,

her curly pretty hair,

thats my earliest memory of you.

we use to play dolls,

of snows and leaves and mud

and then we grew, singing

songs of i and you.

we danced on roads,

cried and wrote notes

more about our newest crush

and less about our text books.

i have seen u cry, laugh and live

i have seen you in your birthday suit 

wink emoticon

you have held on strong

with every setting sun.

darling i am proud of you,

your infectious smile

and your pure heart,

those are just a part of you,

i love you just the way you are!!

"happy birthday"

A bonfire adieu:

                                                    

With each flicker of the fire, you go further away. All your memories are charred. You once used to breath, smile, love and live , now you can't even cry for yourself. The body you once cared for so deep, is turning into nothingness. How  long will that fire last? Can you feel that last warmth engulfing your cold self? Your physical presences is slowly reduced to smoke and ash. Are  you riding onto those smoke? Are you looking down at us? Do you see us weep? What about the ashes? Even that has to be sprayed into the river. Are you floating away from us? Is that the pathway to heaven? 

Where are you now? Is that the last of you….a bonfire adieu

Fall in love with as many things as possible

Every year I make a resolution on the New Year’s Eve. Come to think of it, it compiles of varieties of mixtures. For instance,

·        Turning into vegetarian

·        Lose weight and exercise every day

·        Stop drinking wine

·        Waking up early

·        Save more money

Well, you guessed it right!! Those were the resolution just for the first week of January. Total failure and don’t even think about the result. In the worst case scenario, you land up doing the complete opposite.

In my own opinion, making a resolution is a very smart idea. I mean, it’s the first day of the year and what better way than to start it afresh and anew.  What matters most though, is keeping it. And boy, keeping it is not for someone with a lazy goofy ass like mine.

So this year I gave a serious thought and came to a simple solution to my complicated resolution. We always make resolution that we can’t do, something that’s very difficult. Therefore, I decided that my resolution will be something that I can maintain. Just as I was thinking on what that should be, my resolution appeared in front of me.

I had recently brought myself a new top completely oblivion to the scribble on it, only in awe with its style. It was only after wearing it, someone read the statement “fall in love with as many things as possible”.  Voila!!!! That was it, that was the moment. My resolution for 2015 will be falling in love with as many things as possible.

Simple and easy, yet it has a strong and powerful meaning. Especially for me, getting caught up in my mundane life, I forget to appreciate all the beautiful things around me. So that’s it…..I will fill my life with lots of love and make myself a happier person. That way…I can make others happy too!!!