Who am I?

 

“Who am I??”

 Lately this question has been looming inside my head occupying the space for my free thoughts. There is no determining reason so as to ponder on this question. Or maybe the underlying fact that there is no reason is the reason for this uncanny state of my mundane mind.

So, who am I really??? Am i everything that you see?Am I the sum total of everything that has happened to me. Am I my name,family or the schools i attended?Am I my religion? Am I my graduate degree certificate or am I my profession? Am i that little girl trimmed and groomed by the society?Am i the friends i made  and the people I know? Am i my achievements and the mistakes that i have made? Am i the responsible daughter and the good sister or the loving wife? Am I the music that I hum to and the beats that I tap to? Am I the words that I speak  or the dreams I sleep to?Am i the reflection of everything that i have seen, done and learned?

 Or am I everything that I didnot do or everything that i am not?

 Am I the brave girl who dreams of traveling far and wide, befriended the pirates and shared their rum, am I the fair princess who lived in the golden palace, am I  lad riding the dragons and singing the song of victory, am I the nun vowed to help the sentient beings, am I the beggar scavenging food from dogs, or am I the thief or a murderer with vile, venomous  thoughts, am i the pretty sluts with fake smiles and white hearts, am i the stinking sick bastard, am i the poet with an unquenching lust for beauty and words,  am i the kings who promised and failed? Am i everything i could not be?

Eventually how do i sum up? which one is it? am i everything i did or everything i did not? or maybe both? Or am I just flesh and blood hanging on the beats of my heart? As confusing as it sounds but once my ashes mix with the dirt then who am I really?????

I wonder !!!

With each passing day my obsession for Johnny Depp (jd) has become stronger, intense and bigger. I have never met a die heart fan and so I have got the vaguest knowledge of the word 'fan'. Although I do consider myself a big fan. I wish there was a rule book for fans to follow. I have realized that it's easier for me to follow a rule than to break one. Which succumbs me to a boring type of fan. I have my own tales of bravery but that's a total different genre, until next time.
I don't even remember how young I was when I first saw him. All I know is I saw this good looking man in a movie and I knew I liked him on that instant. After that I didn't care what movie it was as long as JD was in it, that was that for me. But slowly I did figure out that he was and still is a fabulous actor.I was more mystified by the roles that he played. He has always something new to share. These days I don't miss any of his movies and if I am not mistaken I must have watched most of his movies. Yesterday I watched Transcendence and it left me wanting more.
My mobile gallery has more photos of Johnny Depp than myself. I do fancy other actors. But with them it doesn't last long. To meet JD is in my long 'to do' list. A dream almost impossible for someone like me. I think so much about JD, I wonder if I ever appear in his dreams or maybe even get a hiccup ( silly me ).
I could list all his movies and his entire bio data but I don't wanna sound like wikepedia. I have got feelings and damn  they are authentic.
On a more realistic note, if I do come across Johnny Depp...I wonder what will I do. Will I scream and jump in ecstasy
Or be dumbstruck ...I wonder , I wonder.